Are you letting someone treat you like shit?
Firstly, apologies for the abrupt title, but it’s necessary. It’s 2018, and the notions of kindness, quality and inclusion have come so far…yet, we’re still making excuses for people treating each other like crap.
It might be a colleague, your partner, a friend or family member, but it’s time to take a stand and realise that it’s okay to say no. It’s okay to stand up to someone, and explain to them why you won’t accept their behaviour. Every day, millions of us make excuses for someone - “They’re having a bad day”, or “They’re just tired”. Whatever the excuse is, have a think about how often you’re finding yourself saying it. More than twice? It’s not you - it’s them.
Nearly every day, I receive stories from people about how someone is treating them, and they’re seeking an opinion on whether it’s acceptable. The first thing I’ll say, is that if you’re having to question whether someone’s behaviour is acceptable… it’s not. If you’ve got friends that are trying to talk to you about someone treating you badly, listen to them. Sometimes we try to ignore the plain facts, because we don’t want to believe that someone we love or is close to us could treat us badly - but oh boy, they can.
Here are the six signs that someone is treating you like shit:
Contact when necessary.
We’ve all got that one friend that only messages you when they want something, or perhaps a colleague that only suggests after work drinks when they want your help with something. If you’re questioning if you’re being treated badly, have a read through the last few weeks of communication with this person. Have they constantly cancelled on you? Or only messaged you when necessary? That’s not fair to you, and you shouldn’t be taken for granted.
2. Put you down.
Let me say this once and for all - there is a major difference with having a friendship that is filled with laughter and personal jokes, and having a ‘friendship’ where one party continually makes derogatory comments about the other. I’ve seen it happen in relationships, friendships and in the workplace. At no time (ever), is it acceptable to continually put people down. If someone makes you feel shit, it’s time to ditch them and find someone that genuinely appreciates you.
3. Not supportive.
This is one where a lot of us get confused - why isn’t your friend/partner/colleague celebrating with you? Whether you’ve just received a raise, won a trip or saved up enough for your first property, these are all events that should be celebrated with friends. A true pal will crack open the bubbles and share your excitement - they’re genuinely happy for you! We all get jealous occasionally, but when you have someone that is constantly bitter and putting down your efforts, they ain’t worth it. We should raise one another up, not tear each other down.
4. You’re scared to speak up.
Ever find yourself carefully crafting a reply, for fear of being judged? When someone is constantly judging what you’re saying, picking at every corner and analysing every word, they’re making you insecure. They’re treating you like an enemy, using your words as ammo against you. You need to be aware of this kind of behaviour, and the negative ways this can impact your life. Cut your losses and seek out people that listen to and respect you when you speak.
It can be really hard to pick when people are treating you badly, and my biggest piece of advice would be to listen to those around you. If others are noticing that someone is treating you poorly, then they probably are. If you’ve read this and noticed that maybe you’re treating your friends this way, it’s time for a change.
I’ll leave you with this quote:
“Sometimes we spend more efforts with people that are strangers in terms of making an impression than the person that’s closest to us. And you just gotta remember not to take for granted that person that’s closest to you.” – Michael Douglas.